The Switchy Witch

A switch’s internal conversation…

*this was written by someone and posted on FetLife. I have their permission to use their initial post, I think it is very well written and it definitely addresses the internal conversation that some or all of you may have with yourselves at one time or another. I know I certainly have. the original post and comments can be seen here: *

“I’m not sure if this is a question, an observation of self or a worry of what is ‘normal’ for the ‘majority’ of individuals. I have come to the understanding a long time ago that I am a switch, however regarding my internal conversation (inner thoughts or whatever you want to call it) I have found that my submissive ‘side’ and my dominant ‘side’ are constantly in disagreement with one another.

I’ve found one other person who identifies with this feeling of internal conflict but I don’t understand why it is the way it is.

I have the hypothesis that ‘If I was completely top then I wouldn’t like being bottom. If I was completely bottom, then I wouldn’t like topping’ or something like that. I don’t think that either side is any less than the other.

I’ve seen people’s profiles and posts on here that have calibrated they are X% top/dom/etc and Y% bottom/sub/etc.

However, I’ve never actually calculated if X+Y = 100% – So, I don’t know. I’m not entirely sure how to go about doing this for myself or if several other switches have this problem and no one discussed it or if its a rare issue among a small group of people.” ~ Souliez ~

In the beginning, for me, I most often had this issue when I wasn’t sure about my partner. There were times when I could easily have gone one way or the other and the internal struggle was difficult. Now, this internal struggle occurs when I have gone too long without any sort of play at all. I have a build up of energies and my body and mind start to demand some sort of release. This is usually when I’m at my most sadistic or masochistic self too, which can make for some very very interesting times!

Personally there is no 50/50 or determination by percentage of what role I will take. It is a matter of the mood and the partner. For some this very well may be the case. More power to you!

I think what it really boils down too, is you being completely honest with yourself and going with what works for you at the time. You have to make a choice and go with it. The joy of being who we are as switches is that we CAN flip. It doesn’t have to be a war between our different natures. So, sometimes it’s a struggle but in the long run I think we can and do find a balance. Of course there are a lot of things to consider outside of what makes US truly happy but that is a posting for a different time.

Souliez is not the only one who has the internal struggle. I’m sure many of you do as well. Maybe this will help you, maybe it will raise more questions. Don’t be afraid to ask!

~The Switchy Witch.

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