The Switchy Witch

Is it black and white?

October 17th, 2016

During a recent discussion there was conversation about kink being inherently sexual. My persoal view point is that yes, for the most part we engage in kink because on some level it is arousing. Otherwise, why do it?

One point is for catharsis. There isn’t much sexual about a cathartic beating (or whatever activitiy used to reach catharsis). When I’m looking for catharsis the last thing on my mind is being turned on, sex, orgasms, anything that could be considered sex. Catharsis for me, is a release. Release of stress, anger, fear, pain, whatever thing that has been weighing me down. Usually it means I want to cry.

Otherwise? in the traditional sense of play? I do think it is an act based on sexual thoughts/feelings. after all, if it didn’t turn us on to some degree, why do it? I don’t think it means all the play has to END in sexual intercourse. I do think it creates an intense arousal. Heightened senses. Doesn’t necessarily mean orgasm is needed, though they area nice.

I’m not even touching on things like littles, AB, etc. because those types of play? generally? not sexual. at all. They are also things I don’t really have an interest or much knowledge.

Is it black and white? No. I don’t think so. 50 shades and all that. ;)

Switch Bliss

February 25th, 2015

So many epic changes in my life lately. Things I’ll talk about soon, maybe later today..but for now. Let’s talk about my switchy self and the most wonderful thing that happened to me.

I am just gonna call it switch bliss. I am a switch. tried and true. This has been well established for years but in all that time I’ve never experienced such full mental/emotional completeness as I did this past Saturday.

Don’t get me wrong, I have played in the past. I have switched from top to bottom and back again many times during play and I have had fabulous times doing it. This time was different. Three days later and I am still reveling in it.

Why was it different?

I think *I* am different. Recent things I’ve written about..the people who have come into my life. I feel like for the first time in years, maybe ever, a wall has been broken down.

I used to be envious of people who could seemingly connect so easily with people they had played with for the first time. We talk a lot about energy exchange during play and how totally amazing it can be. I have experienced some pretty intense energy exchange with people in the past. I’ve had some very intimate moments with people (no..not sexual moments..intimate moments) that have been so special. Yet, I was never left feeling so complete…because there was always a part of me that I held back. The part I protected because I always knew I would go home a lone. That, even though people I played with cared, there wasn’t the love and affection that I craved.

Now, I have found a family. Dynamics that are all different but no less special for what they are.

I approached my play as a top completely differently than I ever have before, which made the play, for me anyway, that much more intense. I’m not holding back anymore… I’m pushing my energy at these people and watching them absorb it. Take it in with each stroke, touch, and caress.

I was.. “accused” of being super lovey now which has made me different. Maybe because of my recent relationship status I am super lovey but I can’t lay all the blame at the feet of this relationship. I made very conscious decisions in how I was going to play with the lovely ladies I played with. And wow. I walked away feeling all kinds of toppish powerfulness. So if this is what lovey gets me…be prepared for more people…

My bliss though, it wasn’t complete until I switched. All thoughts of any sort of topping or dominant personality were gone. completely. I wasn’t in charge. I wasn’t worried about what was going on around me. I was very intensely in the moment. I trust like I never have before. This new found intimacy that I have never experienced while playing is phenomenal. I completely let go of myself. Sure there were some scary moments for me, for personal reasons, but I trusted. The connection that is building and growing in this relationship is a constant source of amazement for me and I was so fulfilled. So completely sated. When it was done..and we were cuddled on the couch I felt so free. Content. There wasn’t a part of me (like in the past) that felt like I needed to bounce and “chase” away the empty feeling inside.

The intimacy I feel not only with my dominant person but the intimacy and affection I feel for the people I choose to play with now. The intimacy and affection that I have with the people in my life who have become my nearest and dearest. These feelings are amazing and I feel like they are a huge part of why I feel the way I do. I am connected. Plugged in. Invested.

My switchy self is still blissed out. I keep waiting to experience drop…but I just keep reliving moments from Saturday and I just *happy sigh*.

I have decided to become what I used to envy. I won’t hold back. The people I play with deserve the all of me in the moment. They deserve to have the best of me and what I can give them, which in turn I hope, will give them an experience they will never forget.

I love feeling complete. I love feeling whole and all parts of my brain are quiet. Sated. I love this feeling.

I love that my dominant person does not feel threatened by my dominant/top personality. He has no desire to deny that part of me and I am so thankful to finally feel like I can be me around a dominant person who accepts all of it. Who doesn’t try to ignore this very big part of me.

Y’all are all amazing!

The Daddy Thing

August 31st, 2013

The “daddy thing”

Ok so, I know there are a lot of people that get totally squicked out about the “daddy thing” At one point in my life..I was most definitely one of those people. The idea..thought… was a “yea…no” kind of thing.

What? You want to call that guy that you’re with Daddy because why? You have daddy issues? You’re into **gasp** incest?? EWWWWWwwwwWWW. **GROSS**

Well, I have now joined the ranks of girls and boys into the “daddy thing”.

Why?

Simply put… calling someone Daddy, for me, is ALL about what makes me feel submissive. Small. Little girl. Wanting to please. Cherished. Loved. I can count on 1 hand the number of people I have yearned to call daddy. It won’t happen easily.

Yes, yes. I have “daddy issues” tho I never in my wildest dreams would THINK to call my dear old dad, Daddy. But, I am here to tell you, calling someone daddy does not in any way shape or form make me think of my Dad. Calling someone daddy is **not** a way for me to deal with my “daddy issues” Those I can tell you, some day, I will deal with in a very NON-KINKY manner.

Which of course leads to the whole incest thing. Again, can I just say **EWWWwwwwWWW GROSS** I am not now, nor will I EVER want to have sex with my dad..or any other family member for that matter. Shudders

No, I have discovered through much internal contemplation the word Daddy for me equates totally and completely to calling someone “Master” or “Sir” or whatever other honorific submissives give to the one who owns them. My personality is strong. I am not one that will go down on bended knee for just anyone. The thought of ever calling anyone master, lord, ruler, (insert word here) makes me want to laugh. To point and snicker and say “You have GOT to be kidding me”

I suppose you could say none of those words really ring true in my soul as being ultimately “dominant” Which I guess, begs knowing what I see as being “dominant” What traits and qualities in a man..in a dominant personality do I seek?

~powerful
~authoritative
~smart
~loving
~caring
~quiet
~strong
~human
~imperfect
~honest
~assertive
~listener
~sadistic
~safe

When I think of those words, the one word that I feel encompasses all of them is daddy.

Also, when I think of all those other words…I see myself as being “equal” to them. Daddy..how could I be “equal” to that word? If the man who embodies all of those qualities I seek/need…how could I ever be “equal” to that? By my very nature, what I **need** in order to want…desire…crave, kneeling at his feet, serving, loving, giving myself wholeheartedly as the submissive, the little girl is the one who fits that word. The one who makes me feel “less than not equal too”

I am a switch.
I am dominant.
I am powerful.
I am authoritative.
I am smart.
I am loving.
I am caring.
I am quiet.
I am strong.
I am human.
I am imperfect.
I am honest.
I am assertive.
I am a listener.
I am sadistic.
I am safe.

I need a daddy to rein in those qualities in me. I need a daddy to quiet that storm inside. I need a daddy to show me it’s safe to let the little girl out.

So yes, this is the “daddy thing” for me.

submission as a gift….or not.

November 17th, 2012

I call horse shit. First off..let’s just look at the definition of “gift” this is taken directly from dictionary.com
gift
noun
1.
something given  voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
2.
the act of giving.
3.
something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.
4.
a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time.

Ok..look at number 1 people. When you give someone a “gift” you do it not expecting ANYTHING in return. This means.. if I “give” you my submission that means I don’t or shouldn’t expect a single thing from you in return. HELL NO. This is NOT how ANY relationship I will EVER be in should EVER work. My submission is NOT a gift to be given away with no expectation of any return on it. The man or woman for that matter who I allow to have authority over me..who I give the the right to be dominant over me..sure as hell better be fully prepared to give back to me. They should be fully prepared to accept the authority and all of the responsibility that goes with it. They should fully expect that the relationship we are entering into is going to be a two way street with a lot of give and take on BOTH sides. Yep. It is gonna take work people. Gifts..they don’t take work. Oh..and if you’re in the giving mood…why not just “give it away” and see just how well taken care of you are. See how well fed your submission is. See how well fed you are as a person mentally, emotionally and physically. See how satisfied you are with getting nothing in return.

Secondly, lets look at number 3. Yea you see where it says **something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned:** are you SURE your submission is a “gift” that is so easily taken? That it’s not something that should be “earned” by the person you are entering into (hopefully) a life long commitment with? Are you willing to just give your submission to any top, dick or harry that happens along and say “hey, I’m dominant, give me your submission because I have done absolutely nothing to prove to you that I am DESERVING of what you have to offer”

Yes, people, I agree. Your submission is a wonderful, beautiful, powerful thing. Why would you gift it away? Yes, I totally agree, the man or woman who wants to be your dominant should absolutely be deserving of your submission. So, why would you gift it away?

It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Also, it makes me rather annoyed to think that if submission is this “ooh ahh” thing that people should treat with such reverence and wonder…what the hell is dominance? (this is where my switchiness comes into play) I absolutely will not just gift you my dominance. As a submissive..you need to earn the right of it just as much as I need to earn the right of your submission. You need to earn the right for me to WANT to have authority over you. My dominance is just as wonderful, as beautiful, as powerful as your submission. As a dominant I understand and I accept the FULL responsibility of being the person with the authority. Do you think that I will just gift it away to someone who will not earn it…will not respect it…will not accept it wholeheartedly???

We are people making the moves of an intricate dance. We are moving around each other, sizing each other up, putting out feelers to see if we are right for each other..to see if one of us deserves to have authority over the other. If we are smart people we will look..we will learn..we will research…but we will not ‘gift’ away the part of us that makes us who we are in this lifestyle.

My submission is NOT a gift. My dominance is NOT a gift.

The Little Girl Inside

October 25th, 2012

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to be loved.
She wants to feel safe.
She wants to be protected.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to be used.
She wants to be fucked.
She wants to be hurt.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to laugh.
She wants to cry.
She wants to shout.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to be accepted.
She wants to be praised.
She wants to be encouraged.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me
She wants to be cuddled.
She wants to be spanked.
She wants to be touched.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to be number 1.
She wants to be the prized possession.
She wants to be the favorite.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to be a bitch.
She wants to scream.
She wants to cause much hurt.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to come out.
She wants to play.
She wants to be free.
She wants to be wanted.

There is a little girl who lives inside me.
She wants to be wanted.

Pushing the Limit

October 25th, 2012

“Babygirl…”

Tightly gripping her hair.
Shoved to the floor.
Grip adjusted, wrapping around her throat.

She squeaks and winces.
She reaches up to grip his thighs.
Balancing awkwardly.

He snarls, “hands behind your back”
A light slap across her face, she’s not quick enough.
Tighter grip on her throat.

She whimpers
Lacing her fingers behind her back.
She dares to look up at him.

He looks at her, almost as if uninterested.
Like a flash, he slaps her hard.
Fingers grazing across her face.

She gasps,
Tears well up,
“Please…”

“Shut up!”
He slaps her again.
Harder.

She cringes away.
Her face burning.
Mind turning.

He watches, silently.
Her tears spur him on.
He moves closer, almost standing over top of her.

She is forced back, face exposed.
Tears free falling.
Scared.

He slaps her again.
Handprint showing clearly.
His fingers trace the mark.

She squeezes her eyes closed.
Sniffling.
Mind gone.

He grips her by the hair.
Pulls her up.
Softly kisses her burning cheeks.

She leans against his legs.
Crying, she wraps her arms around them.
Brought low.

“Good girl.”
He strokes her head.
“I am proud to push your limits”

She smiles small.
Nuzzles him.
“Please, push more.”

Want Me

October 25th, 2012

Want me.

Want me for me.

My laugh.
My tears.
My anger.
My joy.

Want me for me.

The way I love to color.
The way I love to ride.
The way I love to write.
The way I love to read.

Want me for me.

My hopes.
My dreams.
My terror.
My fears.

Want me for me.

The way I love to sleep in.
The way I love to help people.
The way I love to sing off key.
The way I love to travel.

Want me for me.

My love.
My hate.
My anguish
My heartache

Want me for me.

The way I hate laundry
The way I hate bigotry and racism.
The way I hate spiders.
The way I hate ignorance.

Want me for me.

My body.
My brains.
My self.
My touch.

Want me for me.

The way I love pedicures.
The way I love Oregon.
The way I love good food.
The way I love scary movies.

Want me for me.

My loyalty.
My drive.
My passion.
My heart.

Want me for me.

The way I hate my body sometimes.
The way I hate my job.
The way I hate my insecurity
The way I hate my need to be heard.

Want me for me.

There are so many sides to me. Highs and lows. Good and bad. All I ask, is that you want me for me.

A simple sign of Possession

October 11th, 2012

hand on the back of my neck.

making a decision for me.

a random phone call to me.

exerting authority over me.

caring about me.

making rules for me.

hurting me.

holding me.

touching me.

Show me your simple signs of possession.

The Silent Orgasm

July 3rd, 2012

The only sound the fan whirring in the room.
The cool breeze blowing across bare flesh.
Skin puckered, nipples pebbled.

Hands exploring.
Brushing down, teasing over hyper aware flesh.
Dipping into the juncture of the thighs.

Tip toeing, scraping, pulling on the tender flesh.
Teasing but not touching that most sensitive of spots.
Wetness being pulled from the well.

Finally fingers make contact.
Fingernail scrapes across that hard button.
Flicking, pinching, rolling.

The only sound the fan whirring.
Breath becoming shallow.
Body tingling, tightening.

Knees bending, hips rolling.
Fingers working faster.
Thrusting upwards, seeking more

The body tenses.
The world falls.
The release flows.

The silent orgasm crashes.

You.

May 17th, 2012

The hour was dark.
My heart was barren.
My soul was weak.

I heard a voice.
A soft whisper.
My mind tries to fathom.

It came before.
It grew louder.
It whispers, “wake up”

I open my eyes.
I open my mind.
My heart gives a shiver.

Words flood my conscious.
I see the light.
The voice brings it closer.

It is a new beginning.
My heart is seeded.
My soul is rebuilding.

The words are the water.
The thoughts are the sun.
My heart is growing.

You bring the sun.
You bring the rain.
You bring healing.

Your words
Your thoughts.
They have brought me light.

I am not fully healed
I am still weak.
I will not break.

Because,

You give me strength.
You give me power.
You show me it’s not impossible.

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