The Switchy Witch

Subdrop and what we learned.

The following Page is concerning sub drop. The first part of this entry is my submissive’s journal entry concerning his drop and what happened… I will post my response following. It is my sincerest hope, should you be reading this that you may learn something…remember something…when you are having your own experience and that this help you to better understand and deal with it!

Link to this writing: ArtWyrd
7 June 2012.
I experienced something the other day that I have never felt before.
I was online.. my Domme came up… and I froze.
It was a very disconcerting feeling. I new she wanted to talk, I “Thought” I wanted to talk as well. Yet… there was this.. reticence.. this hesitation that got in the way.
At first.. rationalized that I was “waiting”. Waiting on instruction, or direction, guidance, a command.. ANYTHING. Yet… that was not the case. In the end… I was… afraid… and in a big way… acting out.
ME!? Act out?
Yes….
I was riding a good long high the day prior… I was given a firm directive to get a good eight hours of sleep. And then upon the next morning.. well.. once I got to work… the “feel good” vibe began to slowly dim… diminish… and then fully escape me. Granted there were events at work that did not help matters much.. but my over all sense of malaise was well into full swing before said events really occurred.
So… what WAS it? Well… I eventually laid everything out at my Domme’s feet. I explained all that I could… Why? Simple… that I was so hesitant and fearful and in a sense “begrudging” I ended up practically ignoring my Domme without hardly a greeting, a question, an inquiry of her day nor even a warm verbal cuddle. I…. ~winces~ disregarded her. And she is a human being. A creature of flesh and bone, blood and sinew, muscle and mind. And as well a being of heart and soul.
I… Am… Hers… And to that end I aim I strive I seek to sustain and uplift her with all that I can. But to so blatantly fail was. Tragic… I did not expect to find myself blinking back tears as I fully and openly acknowledged my mistake.
I am paying for my sins, and I so earnestly pray that through my suffering and torment that I do fully absolve myself in her eyes. That the depth of my discomfort Does so ease the pain and disappointment that my thoughtless actions did create. That she sees the sincerity of my want to make good of my lessons through ACT and not just empty words or apologies.
Yet… I did go over everything with her… trying to understand the “Why” of my aloofness… In the end… from what she could determine and explain…
It was sub drop.
To explain to you all whom are unfamiliar with the term… “Sub Drop” occurs (not exclusively mind you) to submissives/slaves/bottoms after particularly intense scenes or play. Be that it was very physically strenuous, emotionally delving, or mentally challenging.
If it helps? Think physics (for you intellectual brain types), “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”, or perhaps “For every emotional high, there is an emotional low.” (For those psychological persons.) Perhaps even? “For every great strenuous activity there will be a needed recovery period for the body.” (Our more physically minded folk.)
The.. body, mind and soul can go through a great wealth of experiences, sensations, feelings, and emotions during really moving and otherwise extreme or deeply involved scenes or play. Amazing highs and even lows depending upon your play or the purpose of it. Yet.. once it is all said and done. There is one thing to not forget.
Aftercare!!
But.. I am not here to talk about Aftercare. (Another post to come.. stay tuned dearly devoted readers.)
Once aftercare is over what is next? Well…. sub drop is not a given it is not a certainty.
Yet.. do.. be.. prepared for it! Sub drop is different (yet similar) for most. It.. can be a drop in energy, a loss of focus, unexplained aches and pains, unexpected emotional upset or distress, depression or bouts of self doubt or self hate, periods of sudden anxiety, hyperactivity, or even potential spiritual, mental and emotional numbness.
There is a great deal that happens within the body and the mind when we play. Chemical interactions, the loss of electrolytes, the expenditure of ATP (the actual FUEL of the body that is used on a cellular level), the build up of hormonal, and enzymatic by products as well as the internal stirring and mixing of the Id, the Ego, the conscious, sub conscious, etc…
Sub Drop is in a sense (in my opinion) something of a bodily, mental, and emotional balancing that happens. You had the upswing… well… the swing is coming back! And if you are not expecting it… it WILL smack you between the eyes and leave you in a rather unsettling place. Just.. where I found myself when I… found myself so… fearful, hesitant, and frankly… negatively resistant to get involved with “the mean woman that hurt me so much”.
I Say it that way in that while my time with my Domme WAS a great and very awesome experience… While I DO know and DO deeply take pleasure in being an instrument of her pleasure via my masochism… there ARE deeply psychological aspects of me that without properly addressing them… they WILL rebel. They will not understand.
I was a fool… I pretty much went without any manner of aftercare… but… well… I have been so long without having manifested my submissive nature. That.. in truth.. I could not even begin to Say what all I would have needed in the first place.
Well.. because I.. so recklessly went without really caring for myself I basically set myself up for the fall. NOT that I could have fully avoided it… but to be on the look out for it would be better able to see it and recognize it for what it was. And… be better able to KNOW the reason for my hesitation and irrational fear when I saw my Domme again.

MY RESPONSE:

Link: Hellcat

A little back story. We had played a few days ago. Things were pretty intense..a pretty intense session that lasted two hours! I knew…know that his experiences as a submissive are limited and that I pushed him somewhat. It was..delicious (my new favorite word lately). Anyhow.
I checked in with him, he was pretty..um..spent even though he didn’t orgasm and he had to be to work shortly after. We spent some time just talking before he left for work and we talked more once he got to work. I asked him a few times during that time how he was doing.. he made positive responses. At one point he did mention maybe needing more aftercare. I immediately asked what he needed from me and he didn’t have an answer…. I admit I felt a little helpless and powerless because I didn’t know what to give him that would make him feel better..that would help. So..I just tried to “be” there. All in all though, he seemed to be handling things well and I wasn’t overly concerned. I felt pretty confident that did he need something, he would tell me. The rest of the day went off uneventful. We are separated by an odd time zone difference so the middle of his day, is the middle of my night typically…. So off to bed I went thinking all was right in the world.
I should have known better. I should have known..should have checked…should have been more aware.
Next morning rolls around and as is becoming a habit for us, I woke up and sent him a good morning message. I got a hello..and that was it. Nothing else. I asked how he was..got nothing. Now, I was already feeling a little grumpy that morning and outside sources were in full swing letting me know that my darling little submissive was in fact ignoring me. Instead of rationalizing or thinking there might have been something wrong all I could think and feel was ignored…less important…less wanted and needed. I went from grumpy to MEGA pissed. I signed out.. cooled off a little..and came back and finally got his attention…
We talked. He admitted he was afraid…I listened..but STILL wasn’t nearly clear headed enough to see…Now it was his turn for bed. He slept. I spent the day thinking. We talked again and HE actually mentioned sub drop. I was floored… shocked..mad at myself. Everything just clicked into place.
His avoidance of me. His weird mood. His fear. I knew, deep down inside no matter how truly crappy his day may have been he would never intentionally ignore me…or show me such seeming disrespect.
I got so wrapped up in my own selfishness that I failed him. I failed to offer the support and care he needed. I failed to truly help him figure out what was going on. He admitted he had never experienced it before…and I usually PRIDE myself on at least being able to recognize it. Hell, I didn’t even recognize that a lot of my own grumpiness was because I was having a bit of my OWN drop. (YES dominants drop too!!!) I failed to take care of my boy’s mental and emotional well being.
We have worked it out, we still need to discuss better aftercare technique, even though we both know that aftercare..even the best aftercare…does not mean there won’t be subdrop.
I’m not perfect. I learned some pretty important things from this. There is no room in this for my ego. I NEED to listen to him…more so..I need to listen to the unspoken things. The actions. I KNOW him.
My hope is that y’all will read and maybe the next time your beloved is behaving in a manner that is uncharacteristic, you will stop, set your ego aside and really look at what is going on. They may be needing you more in that moment than at any other time. Subdrop DOES happen.

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